How’s That for an Election?

Now I miss the days when I used to stay up late with my parents watching election returns. You never quite appreciate CNN until you don’t have cable and are forced to continually hit the refresh button on your internet browser. My wife and I had started the election at the laundrymat. We watched as the polls closed and the initial races went to the Democrats.

Alas, our laundry got dry and we felt compelled to flee smoky Mullet Station. Our one friend was headed down to the Bitterroot to hang with her grandparents, so we called some of our other friends to watch the election. They didn’t have cable and the network’s coverage was horrible! They would only update on the hour. We tried to watch Seinfeld until my friend suggested I play a little God of War (I think that’s the title) to chill out.

With Aires in sight, I finally switched off the game because it was time for the ten o’clock news. Jon Tester had surged into an early lead! Sure only 13% of precincts had voted, but we wanted to trend optamistic. So, with my wife needing to work at seven, we headed home. I put her to bed and then I logged onto the net.

Tester’s lead had seriously erroded. You know, you never quite appreciate CNN the cable channel until you have to deal with CNN the internet site. I remember staying up late as a kid to watch election returns with my parents. Sure, you had to deal with commercials, but you didn’t have to deal with refreshing the screen EVERY MINUTE to see if they colored in another county on the map.

I went to CNN.com because the Missoulian’s web coverage was horrible. I got better coverage from 4&20blackbirds, and he were also reporting from CNN.com with the insight of being at the Tester party in Great Falls. The Billings Gazette, next to CNN.com, had the most up-to-date coverage. Their website magically updated every five minutes and reported the total precincts completed. Finally at the Daily Kos I found out that Yellowstone County had problems with their voting machines and would only do a recount in the morning.

With that, I put myself to bed.

Double Times Two

I just overhead:

“Conrad Burns? He’s a sleeze.”

“He’s a sleeze times two.”

“Double times two.”

“He’s got sleeze up his sleeves.”

Ahh, folk wisdom.

In other news: Matt at Left in the West forgot to renew his domain name. Conservatives everywhere have taken up masturbation to relieve their frustrations.

Gobs and Gobs of Money

Since Conrad Burns has raised approximately $8,300,000 this election cycle and now is not only drinking and cursing like sailor, but spending like one, I thought we might be able to help him come up with more creative ways to blow his wad of cash.

1: Have his mining buddies carve out some mountains in the form of his name.

2: Have an airplane fly a banner in the sky that reads: “Stop the War! Vote Burns”

3: Hire some marine buddies to forcibly tattoo “Dirty Liberal” on Jon Tester’s forehead.

4: Buy every paper in every rack in the state and replace it with “Vote for Burns” fliers.

5: Staple “Vote Burns” fliers on the backs of bums.

6: Host a pie eating contest. The winner is declared for the person who can dig out of Burns campaign button from the pie.

any other suggestions?

Lindeen’s Last Chance?

Let’s face it: the senate race between Tester and Burns has reached hyper-awareness. Burns is the bloated cow being attacked by piranhas. Too bad he won’t just roll over and float downstream, eh? Everywhere you go, everything you see with a political eye is TESTER TESTER TESTER BURNS BURNS BURNS. Onnnnce in a while, I’ll see a Lindeen poster. It’s usually set off to the side of the Tester poster like the ugly child in a family portrait.

I don’t watch TV. I hardly even read the newspaper. I mostly go with street buzz, which includes what everyone’s talking about and street signs/bumper stickers. What’s up with Monica Lindeen? Smart lady, just doesn’t have a lot of money. Short term: My money is on Rehbar. Long term: Lindeen–especially if she pulls a Schweitzer and uses this initial push to catapult herself to 2008.

In other words: Lindeen, please don’t give up!

My 2nd Donation

So, being sufficiently pissed about the Burns bagging fiasco has prompted me to make my 2nd donation to Jon Tester.  I hope he doesn’t buy plastic bags for the paper, instead maybe just a shiny grill so all the homies will vote for him.

Massive Ads from Conrad

So I found this last week one thing that Conrad Burns is going to do for advertisements.  He is paying to have every single Missoulian newspaper wraped in a plastic bag that says “Vote for Conrad Burns”. 

Talk about something that really burns me up.  The carriers are even required to wrap the newspapers in these bags.  I’m not sure about any punishments they might receive for refusing to do so, but as they’re independent contractors I hope they refuse. 

Now, this might seem to be just another political advertisement and should be taken as such, but most ads appear on the inside of the paper.  Never before have I heard of a advertisement posted on the outside of the paper.  This is tantamount to putting advertisement on the front page.  Perhaps other papers put ads on the front page, but more ethical papers should have the first thing seen be news. 

Monkeys borrowing Money

I hear it over and over and over again:  vote Burns because his seniority brings home the bacon for Montana. 

But don’t you think any monkey with a good staff could slip in earmarks into our massive funding bills?

What we need is someone to cut back on the pork.  Maybe switch to tofu or something.