Super Colon Cleanse…
Kicks my ass! Holy shnikies I have not have to poop so much for a loonnng time!
A little back(log) story: Last year when I got my tonsils taken out, I gained some weight. 10 pounds to be exact. No big deal, you all say. I’d love to only weigh 180 pounds you say. Except… that… now a lot of my clothes don’t fit. I guess it wasn’t such a big deal for a while, because, well, I didn’t really notice.
Then I started playing shows again. All of a sudden, my uber-cool stage clothes didn’t fit anymore. I say pictures of myself with a little spare tire under my skin tight shirts. Mmm, I’m not anorexic, per se, but I do know when I’m starting to let myself go.
:: In high school, I got tubby reeeaal fast. I went from 180 in Dec of my freshman year to about 220 by May. Over the next year I gained 20 pounds as well. It was an unfortunate mix of anti-depressants, lack of exercise, and continued intake of calories as if I were still a cross-country runner. Freshman year of college, I reversed the trend: kicked the anti-depressants, started running more, and eating waaay less.
Complete disclosure: It did get back for a while. I did quit eating, but I’m not sure it qualifies as anorexic. I quit eating since I was fat and was desperately trying to get back to normal again. I figure that our bodies store fat as a reserve against hard times. I merely self induced a hard time.
Within two years I was back down to 180 (the same weight I was in the 8th grade (btw, that’s when I reached my full height)), but in the next few years I crept down to 170 and once hit 165. Ouch!
Now, you might be thinking at that time that I was anorexic. Au contraire! I was eating a lot! But I was also exercising a lot. Running about three times a week, plus running to school and doing lots of jumping jacks, pushups, and crunches.
:: Then my back starting acting up. When I was a kid, I fell off the monkey bars, landed on my back, and knocked some vertabrae out of place. It never bothered me that much as a kid. I guess my growing body was able to compensate and/or ignore the pain for the most part. Maybe it all started when I started working physically strenuous jobs. At Cracker Barrel, I had to lift heavy trays above my head over and over again. At the grain elevator, I shoveled nearly 3 tons of wheat a day. Then came the back buster: I moved into my first apartment. I had heavy things to move. I did not have a lot of friends (read “zero”) who would help me move. Besides, I was raised to be self reliant. I moved heavy things all day until I felt the cartilage in my back crunch.
I lived in pain for the next several days until my parents convinced me to go to the chiropractor. He crunched me back into place, but the pain persisted. I since learned that I can’t lift super heavy things by myself (including my heavy amps). I also can’t run as much as I used to. The jarring motion does me in.
So I switched to swimming. It kicked my ass for awhile until I got used to it, then it worked out all right. The problem happened when I graduated college, got a real job, and then moved. No longer on campus, I had to go extra out of my way to hit the pool. (Aside: I went to the Grizzly Pool since they changed on a per time basis that came out to waaay cheaper than getting a club membership.) The pool hours conflicted with my job hours. When we moved, I no longer had the luxury of walking from my apartment to the pool.
I started running again.
My weight stayed a cool 170. My abs started disappearing. So did the potatoes in my arms.
Then came the tonsil surgery. I was supposed to have been recovered within two weeks. It took me six with problems that still linger today. In those six weeks of eating ice cream and staying out of the sun (because of the pain meds) I gained 10 pounds. I didn’t care at the time, naturally, because I was doing my best to heal.
In those six weeks, the weather went from warm, to cold. I didn’t run. I didn’t swim. I haven’t consistently exercised since the summer of 2006.
Fast forward to today with me wearing a tight black shirt and looking like a bald emo kid.
Without exercise (and caffeine for that matter), my bowel movements have backed up. So, in addition to increased exercise (including more crunches and pushups with walking to work (yes even today in the freezing wind)), I cut my intake back to a more lifestyle accommodating amount. Instead of gorging every meal as if I had the metabolism of a hyperactive squirrel, I eat enough to keep me full without going over full. I also started taking our super colon cleanse, this kick ass formula from the good food store that tastes like lawn, but clears me out faster than light!
I wish I could go on about the weird stuff released from my colon, but that would be in bad taste. Besides, you can find the testimonials out there.
This morning I weighed 179. I also pooped twice.
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